Doing a KonMari on Your Friends: Tidying Up on Personal Relationships

Doing a KonMari on Your Friends: Tidying Up on Personal Relationships

With the boom of Netflix series - the KonMari Method™ of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, it has since been on everyone’s lips.

From tidying up your desk to tidying up your house for a baby, can you "Konmari your friends" too?

What does decluttering relationships actually entail from a holistic and KonMari point of view?

This concept isn’t new; people have been “spring cleaning” friends and acquaintances on facebook from time to time. There are many reasons that will lead people towards taking that action. Be it a friendship/relationship that had gone sour, left estranged, or just having nothing much in common anymore.

With the understanding that there is a relationship between material possessions/environment linked to the inner emotional and mental states, what about the relationships between friends, lovers, spouses, families, colleagues, professional networks, acquaintances?

We as human beings thrive on heart-centred connections.

human connections brocnbells

Relationships in all forms require that mutual bind of understanding, respect, communication, kindness and lovingness. What happens when some parts are disconnected? How then shall one approach a difficult aspect of the relationship and decide it’s time to Tidy Up this area in life?

Some (but not limited to) factors to consider:

  • Misaligned values, beliefs
  • Unmet needs not resolved
  • Unresolved negative patterns keep repeating within the relationship and unwillingness to change
  • When all parties have tried their best in making things work but still find no way out
  • State of relationship doesn’t contribute towards each other’s growth any longer

How can the ‘joy sparking’ technique in the KonMari method™ be applied in relationships?

A question to hold in mind: “How does this relationship contribute to the growth, direction in life that I would like to see myself in?"

  1. Revisiting all aspects of the relationship from a multi-angled perspective. The bigger the perspective you explore, the better clarity it can be. Sometimes we get stuck in the stories and hurts that prevents us from seeing some hard truths. Once we zoom out and see it from a higher perspective, new understandings come through.

  2. If it “sparks joy” and there are some aspects that are worthwhile to work on to improve the relationship, or if both or more parties are willing to try out different ways of being with each other (which require continual commitment and work), then yes - keep them close to the heart and honour the relationship with gratitude to the journey thus far. Look toward ways of appreciation and improvement within the relationship.

stay committed growing relationships

  1. If it doesn’t spark joy, acknowledge the aspects and reasons that don’t align which forms the disconnection; this is a very vulnerable process so approach this with much tenderness towards yourself and the parties involved.
    Facing up towards the truths about each other in an emotionally mature manner not only gives rise to empowerment towards each other, but also a powerful way to connect to each other’s vulnerabilities. Strength and courage are born out of the process, helping to support each other in the difficult “tidying up” process. This trains the muscle of Emotional Resilience.

  2. Gratitude towards the relationship; what one party has contributed to the other is essential in acknowledging the efforts and care put in thus far.

  3. Letting go might be one of the hardest thing to do especially when there’s deep emotional attachment. Letting go may lead to a vulnerable state of loss and into the unknown, causing some fear and anxiety. On the silver lining, letting go is also an act of love of allowing space and growth for each individual and for some, relief.

let go relationships

  1. Only when space is created can there be opportunities of possibilities and a better path might be revealed.

This process could be a highly emotional charged one or just as simple as turning off a switch, depending on the nature of relationship and the extent of emotional value in it. Whatever it is, approach this with loving kindness, empathy, forgiveness and gratitude!

What’s Next?

Finding like-minded social connections that are meaningful would be a great start as the power of sharing with someone else or in a group has its own way of helping you in the journey of healing.

Go for coffee or meal with trusted friends, join meet up groups or social networks (like!) that align to your interests to meet new people and build new connections. You never may click well with the new friends you make, an experience like you never had before! Resonating with like-minded people has an encouraging effect while helping you to build a healthy response to stress.

📱🥦Create your free account on and start connecting with like-minded people over a shared pursuit for a healthy and mindful lifestyle.

Pace yourself in how you’d like to be involved socially. New connections take some time to build with trust and openness. Stay grounded, yet be open to expanding your experiences.

“What happens when people open their hearts?”
“They get better.”
― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Article contributed by Amanda Ling. Amanda is a holistic practitioner at Align Origins Holistic Wellness and a KonMari Consultant in the KonMari Method™ of tidying. She provides professional quality-based complementary healing services in modalities in sound healing with tibetan singing bowls, yoga, decluttering and tidying in the KonMari Method™.